Why You Are Perpetually Single

Let’s face it: we all have that one friend, acquaintance, or someone in your inner circle who constantly laments in his / her singlehood – one who cannot for the life of them figure out why they are alone when “everyone else” is coupling up! (gasp!) So today, I want to shed some light onto these down-on-their-luck singletons, and come up with a list of reasons why they are stuck in permanent singledom. Mind you , there are many, many articles that speculates the reasons for one’s complete lack of romantic endeavors. So I’ve come up with some of the most obvious and common reasons why someone might be sulking in their forever single-status.

Disclaimer: This article is not aimed at people who are intentionally and voluntarily single –those who are perfectly content and happy, or deliberately choose to for personal or religious reasons. (i.e. Buddhist monk-in-training) Rather, it is aimed at people who desperately want to have a boyfriend / girlfriend / partner / lover / significant other, but can’t seem to get one!

Let's start with the most obvious reason...

1. You don’t make the effort, plain and simple.

It’s called “expert wisher, not-a-doer”. You don’t go to any social events, you don’t accept any invitations, and you don’t do online dating. Essentially, you do NOTHING except count on pure happenstance. Meaning, you are hoping to randomly strike up a conversation with a hottie while grocery shopping, pumping gas, queuing at the local post office, or doing other mundane routine things. Well guess what, you are betting on an extremely small chance here. In order to meet people organically (like we all want to, don’t we?), you need to create your chances in the first place! This means going that Meetup, saying yes to your colleague’s birthday party, or attending that professional networking event! Essentially, you need to put yourself in a setting where people will know your name and face!

2. You hold a cynical attitude towards the opposite sex.

Your perception of the opposite sex isn’t very positive, and it goes something like this:

“All men go for looks.”

“Guys only want sex”

“All women go for money”

“Chicks only dig bad boys”

Essentially, you are lumping the opposite sex together as if they are monolithic creatures with a hive mindset. Never mind that there are whopping 3.5 billion men/women with vastly different tastes, preferences, wants, and needs; instead you are quick to generalize with petty and shallow stereotypes that taints your perception of the opposite sex – which does absolutely no good to your lovelife! Why would anyone want to date someone who believes “all men are assholes” or “all women are goldiggers”? Here’s a not-so-big secret: wanna know who has the best luck with dating? It’s the guy who says “I love women! I don’t care if they’re black or white, big or small, tall or short, young or old. I LOVE them all!!” ( replace 'men' with 'women', and you get the same idea)

3. You only focus on what you can GET, and not what you can GIVE.

Your sole reasons for wanting a romantic relationship are as follows:

“I don’t want to die alone”

“ I want a caregiver when I’m old or sick”

“ I don’t want to be lonely”

“I want to be happy"

“I want an ego boost”

“I want to have an easy life"

“ I want to feel that rush of being in love!”

“ I want good sex”

“I want to be financially secure”

"I want to buy a house"

I’ve just listed every single self-centered reasons one can think of – it’s called “me, not we”. If your primary intentions are to fulfill your emotional, physical, or financial needs/wants while not giving a single thought to the other person’s needs/wants, then this could be why you are alone. Now you might say “But there’s nothing wrong with wanting happiness!” Sure there isn’t, but when you’re only concerned about getting happiness and not giving it, that’s when selfishness starts to rear its head. Ask yourself: are you seeking love only because of what you can get? Or because you want to make someone happy, contribute positively to another person’s life, or most importantly, to jump through hoops on fire and experience the trials and tribulations together, as well as the sunshine and rainbows?

4. You constantly go for people who will NOT go for you.

You are fixated on that ONE guy / girl who is NOT interested in you… even after they implicitly or explicitly made it clear that the are not interested! (Facepalm...) Instead of writing the person off as a lost-cause, you foolishly hold it out, hoping that the person will miraculously have a change of heart. Guess what, it ain’t happening and you are only wasting your time and energy pursuing someone who will not give you the time of their day. For god's sake, have some self-respect and look elsewhere, would ya?

5. You have a habit of pursuing people who are unavailable.

This is an extension of #4. Married. Already taken. Geographically distant. Or too busy with work. Whatever the reason is, you have a knack of pursuing people who are unavailable / unreachable / inaccessible to you. Maybe because you like the thrill of the pursuit. Maybe their inaccessibility makes you want them more. Or maybe, just maybe, your actions simply have no logic! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

6. Your standards are too high. Or unrealistic. Or downright hypocritical.

Look, I’m a big believer of holding yourself accountable. If you’re the type of person with a long laundry-list of dating must-haves, you had better meet all of them at a minimum. You want a guy who owns a mansion? Then you had better own one yourself (or something close to it). You can’t live in a dump and expect to date a guy with a mansion – that’s called aiming waaaay above your league. So think about your criteria; how many of them are realistic? How many of them scream “hypocrisy”? For example, are you a near-midget girl who’s hell-bent on dating tall guys (6ft +) only, and balk at short guys? ( never mind that short guys are still taller than you!) Then why would tall guys go for you? Are you a single dad who balks at dating single moms, yet expects to date childless women only? Then why would they go for you when you don’t want to date single parents yourself? The fact is, people can smell hypocrisy from miles away, and when you vet on criteria that are completely unreasonable, undeserving, or out-of-your-league, don’t you think it’s time to recalibrate your options?

7. …and in those few times when someone IS interested in you, you instantly look for a reason to reject them!

And for reasons like: “He / she's not hot enough. Not cool enough. Not tall enough. Not rich enough. Not successful enough." ( insert any unimportant reason here) Never mind that YOU ( the rejecter) are completely un-cool, un-attractive, un-smart, un-successful yourself! Essentially, YOU have nothing going on, but have the audacity to perceive someone as “beneath” you 🙄. Look, I’m a firm believer that everyone attracts what they can get. And if Mr. Un-cool is the only one goin’ for you, then he’s all you can get!! (By the way, I betcha there’s absolutely nothing wrong with him. You just think you deserve better! 😆😆😆)

So there you have it – hopefully I shed some light on your dateless, loveless, romance-less existence. Now I can hear an angry mob of readers lambasting “But Zoey, I can’t help what I’m attracted to! I’m allowed to be picky! Why should I settle for less?” To that, I say, sure you are “allowed” to be picky. But guess what- other people are just as “allowed” to be picky as well! And if those very guys / girls you want are not going for you, then wouldn’t it make sense to maybe, just MAYBE rethink your dating preferences? After all, which do you actually have control over? Your preferences, or that of the unrequited love interest? So the next time you’re wondering “why am I always single?”, take a good look at yourself and ask “what can I change to become lucky in love?”

…otherwise, you can always “settle” for the other option: (drumroll)… Die Alone!! (yep, the very thing that you dread! 🤣🤣🤣 )