Signs You Have Serious Baggage

Baggage. We all have them. They come in many forms – financial, marital, emotional, or mental. Some of us manage them well, while others manage piss-poorly. While there isn’t a set definition of “baggage”, it broadly means “issues” or “hangups” that negatively impact one’s outlook on life and love, and potentially get in the way of succeeding in personal, social, and romantic relationships. Commonly – at least for most people- the word “baggage” has an immediate association to children from previous partners or ex-spouses, and hence that person should be avoided-at-all-cost. In this post, I came up with my own perspective of what “baggage” is; specifically, behaviors, attitudes, and personality traits that reflect this emotional ball-and-chain. Here is my exhaustive list of signs that someone is a living, breathing, walking hot mess of a baggage.

1. You lie about your age.

Specifically, you understate your age to snag a younger partner, or to come off as more desirable. Why is this a big no-no? ‘Cause it screams “I’m not at ease with my age, so I’m masquerading as something I’m not”. If you’re not comfortable being your age, looking your age, and getting older in general, then why should others accept who you are, when you can’t accept yourself? (Not to mention, you will get caught red-handed very soon)

2. You have trust issues.

Look, some people do get lied to, betrayed, and cheated on - due to no fault of their own. But being permanently guarded with (unwarranted) suspicion 24/7 screams baggage. Why should your new partner try to appease or prove anything when they’ve done nothing to you? Incessantly putting someone “on the spot” due to your unhealed wounds is never cool and it’s a sure-fire way to sabotage future relationships. You better let that shit go!

3. You keep tabs on your partner.

This is an extension of trust issues (see #2). Snoop. Spy. Stalk. You track your partner’s every move and try to pass it off as “being protective” or “caring” when it’s just an excuse to be obsessively controlling and possessive. You are always attempting to catch your partner ‘in a lie’ and probe them about something that they didn’t do, not realizing the damaging effects of this behavior!

4. You have inferiority complex.

You are riddled with insecurity. Everyone is smarter than you. Everyone is luckier than you. Everyone is cooler than you. Everyone has it better than you. You live with an intense feeling of inadequacy and zero self-esteem when in reality, it’s just all in your head. In fact, you are a poster-child of ‘perceived’ or ‘imagined’ shortcomings.

5. You have superiority complex.

The polar opposite of inferiority complex. One word: SMUG. You hide your inadequacies under an exaggerated sense of self-worth – a.k.a defense mechanism that exudes a false sense of confidence or bravado when there is little-to-no real evidence to show for it. Your ego is as large as your head, when deep down, you know you ain’t all that! (but in denial, of course)

6. You step on others to feel important.

Call it Narcissism 101 (and also an extension of superiority complex); Whether it’s bullying, exploiting, berating, demeaning, or condescending, you mistreat others as an act of ego-boost. If someone must look bad for you to look good, then you’ve got serious issues. Essentially, you are attempting to compensate for your own mediocrity by exploiting others’ weaknesses!

7. You relentlessly chase the unattainable.

Be it the perfect face. The perfect body. The perfect partner. The perfect job. The perfect date. The perfect lifestyle. You are attempting to bat waaaaay above what you can hit, even though deep down, you know damn well that you ain’t cut out for it! ( but refuse to admit it)

8. You’re TIMID.

You can replace “timid” with “shy”, “unconfident”, “anxiety-ridden” or “high-strung”. Your default mode is uncomfortable. Nothing about you screams “I’m at ease”. You are a nervous wreck who dread over mundane stuff that most people wouldn’t bat a lash at. Essentially, you’re a basket-case through and through.

9. You constantly wish for something different, but do nothing about it.

Maybe because you’re timid. ( see #8). Or just don’t have the guts to. Or maybe you’re just plain lazy. Whatever it is, you are an expert wisher and never a doer. Instead of taking matters into your own hands, you sit around and wait for a chance to happen, not realizing that you could be waiting a lifetime if you don’t take action!

10. You are a magnet for drama.

Hissy fits. Emotional outbursts. Temper Tantrums. Complete and utter SPAZ. You have a knack of causing a scene when things don’t go your way. Instead of dealing with your emotions in a productive and constructive manner like any grown-up should, the ten year old in you comes out and go full-on theatrics mode.

11. You believe in fairy tales...and get upset when your fantasy falls short (mostly pertains to women).

You have unrealistic expectation of love, marriage, and relationships. Either you watched too many Hollywood movies or your parents read too many bedtime stories about the charming prince coming-to-rescue. You expect life to imitate art and hope your fantasy guy provides the fantasy life, only to gets disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

12. You hold a grudge towards the opposite sex.

Just ‘cause you had a few bad apples, you begrudge an entire of class of people as “evil”. Not only are you quick to reduce the opposite sex to petty and shallow stereotypes, but also hold disdainful attitudes like “All women are bitches” or “All men are assholes” – which unsurprisingly are the very reason for your deplorable love life. Talk about self-fulfilling prophecy!

13. You get into a jealous rage… over things that are NOT warranted.

Your blood boils at the sight of your crush merely talking to another guy / girl. You’re pissed that a colleague performs better than you or gets promoted ahead. You’re butthurt just ‘cause someone is smarter / richer / hotter / luckier. You seethe with jealousy over things that should not, and does not concern you.

14. You use emotional blackmail to get your way.

This one is really really unhealthy. Guilting. Gaslighting. Manipulating. Controlling. Demanding. Threatening. Blaming. Pressuring. Testing. You use all the tricks in the books to pull someone’s heartstrings to get your way. You simply don’t care about the effects of this behavior and how it harms others. It’s all about you.

15. You have a long, exhaustive laundry-list of dating requirements – none of which you meet yourself.

You can’t cook yet want a partner who’s a great cook. You’re a slob yet want a partner who’s in top shape. You’re chronically unemployed yet want a partner who’s a high-earner. You are not accountable to the standards you set to “vet” potential dates.

16. You constantly end up with partners who are not good for you.

Non-committal. Emotionally unavailable. Irresponsible. Controlling. Gaslighting. Even abusive. You have a history of falling into the arms of Mr. (or Ms) Wrong. Whether it’s going back to the same person ( think: Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big) or the same-cut-but-different-person, you always get stuck in the same cycle of less-than-ideal partner!

17. You have one NASTY breakup after another.

Look, breakups and divorces are hard. But they’re a part of life. If every one of your splits resulted in a World War III, then Houston-we’ve-got-a-problem. If you are incapable of ending things in an amicable, cordial, civil manner, then you either 1) suck at relationship skills or 2) suck at communicating or 3) have a knack of leaving a bitter taste in the mouth!

18. You love to dish out… yet can’t take it.

Pretty self-explanatory here; you have no problem saying whatever the fuck you want, but get instantly upset, butthurt, triggered, or irked when someone dishes back. Essentially, you are allowed to say whatever you want to whomever you want, but others must be polite to you!

19. You are always looking for FLAWS.

Or incompatibilities. Or deficiencies. Or any chance to be critical of something. Instead of seeking what’s right about a person, you look for what’s wrong with a person. Instead of seeking compatibilities, you instantly look for discrepancies. In every personal relationships, your first instinct is to look for things that don’t bode well with you!

20. You have a problem with EVERYTHING.

You reek of spite and sour grapes. The world is unfair! Everyone is out to get me! Everyone has it better than me! I deserve better than this! Cry me a river! What you have isn’t a chip on your shoulder, but a friggin’ BRICK on your shoulder. You are the very embodiment of a walking WALL that screams “me against the world”… never mind that the world doesn’t give a shit how you feel! 😆😆😆