My Personal "Homeless" Crisis

Let me in on you a little secret…(*drumroll 🥁🥁🥁* ) I am homeless. Yep, you heard it right. And nope, not the kind that camps out on the streets or holds a sign reading “anything will do”. But homeless, as in I don’t have a permanent physical place of living.

I’ve been homeless for almost a year-and-a-half now. It’s been a loooong time since I paid rent or mortgage. Ever since I left my “home” that is the Bay Area in late 2022, (after whopping 20+ years!) I almost forgot what it feels like to have a home. In fact, the very concept of it feels distant, almost elusive to me.

That said, the title of this article is a bit of an overstatement; I’m not in an actual “crisis” of any kind (and no, I ain’t jumping off a bridge either!). However, I would be lying if I’m not in the slightest bit of …lost. In fact, I am curious to know what “home” actually means. For some, it’s a simple word that carries the weight of countless emotions, memories, and sensations – ya know, the feeling of pure and utter coziness next to the warm fireplace while sipping wine. But for others, it’s nothing more than just a dwelling unit, a legal entity, or simply put – an object.

So today, I decided to write about exactly that – what makes a place a H.O.M.E? What are some of the common ways that most people define as their place of living / belonging / origins / residence / permanence /whatever elusive synonyms associated with this word?

1. Home is a place of one’s birth -pretty straightforward here; most people on earth associate their birthplace as their “home”.

2. Home is a place where you were raised – meaning where you spent most of your life, or where you spent most of your formative years, youth, and adolescence.

3. Home is where your family is – specifically, where your parents are from or currently living ( at least for most people)

4. Home is your ancestral homeland – meaning the place of your ethnic and / or national origin.

5. Home is where you pay your taxes – meaning where you are a legal, registered, tax-paying resident.

6. Home is wherever you are at the moment – heck, if nothing else, it’s wherever you are right now.

For majority of people on earth 1=2=3=4=5=6. Essentially, their “home” is where they were born and raised, have ancestral and familial roots, where they currently live, work and pay taxes. However, for some of us, who were born in country (or state) A, raised in country (or state) B, whose parents are from country (or state) C but now they are living in country (or state) D, and you’re living in country (or state) E, but your heart is really, really in country (or state) F; where the fuck is “home” for you? ( I can hear a big WOOT WOOT from diplomat’s children, military brats, former war refugees, and digital nomads)

When you’ve been dispersed all your life and planted so many roots along your way ( actually, “roots” may be an overstatement), it seems like you are either root-full or root-less. Take Japan, for example; I used to live there, so you could say I have ‘roots’ or ‘history’ in Japan. But I don’t live there anymore. Nor do I pay taxes there. Nor am I Japanese-blooded or have a Japanese passport. I have absolutely NO legal ties to Japan, so as much as I love the country, I cannot call it my home. Same goes to all the countries that I previously lived. The only two countries that I have legal ties to are U.S and Korea – neither which I feel particularly “home”. And THIS my fellow readers, is what I mean by my personal “homeless crisis”. In addition to not having an actual physical address -a.k.a. place of residence, I’m struggling to find out where I feel most “at home”. Ironically, U.S – the country where I spent most of my life so far – is becoming less “home” for me. As for Korea? Well… let’s say I’m still not sure. It could be a viable home –not due to some burning-desire-to-rediscover-my-motherland or the sudden urge to “connect with my people” (whatever that means??), but because it’s the sensible, logical option. However, truth be told, I have no fucking clue where I want to be, or live permanently.

So lemme ask all of you digital nomads, third-culture-adults, and global wanderers with no real agenda except leaving your carbon footprint wherever you roam – how do you reconcile with the fact that you have no real ‘home’? Are you happy, sad, lost, or at peace with your situation? Most importantly, do you yearn for a home? Or are you eluded by the concept of “a place of permanence” just like me?