How To Become Well-Rounded Parents

It’s an age-old question: How do I (or we) raise well-rounded kids? Parents worldwide have racked their brains for centuries on how-to-raise-the-perfect-mini-me. And now with the digital age, one can find gazillion-and-one articles, podcasts, and YouTube videos on this very ubiquitous topic for new parents, seasoned parents, and parents-to-be alike. But as much as we all want to produce impeccable, high-functioning, perfect-in-every-way heirs to boast as our “pride and joy”, there’s another very important (albeit less sought out) question that warrants as much attention: how do we become well-rounded parents? It’s a topic that parents seldom give a lot of thought into when it comes to actual parenting. After all, you can’t be shitty parents and expect to raise perfect offsprings, can you? Unfortunately, too many parents who push their kids to be well-rounded / well-behaved / high-performing / smarter-than-average / anything-above-average tend to be anything but themselves. (LOL)

So today I’m going to share with you my own viewpoints on what well-rounded parenting should be. Since I happen to be an expert on this subject ( no pun intended – I mean this literally and figuratively), I’ve gathered a comprehensive list of parenting tips that help – or hurt – your kids’ chances to become the healthy, well-balanced, well-adjusted individual that everyone yearns for. Parents, take notes:

1. Well-rounded parents encourage their kids to become their own individual. Let them develop their own personality. Their own interests. Their own flare. Their own uniqueness. Just because they are your flesh and blood, it doesn’t mean you should mold them into your liking, as if jamming square peg into a circle. Nor should you micromanage every aspect of their lives to your accordance. If your child turns out to be nothing like you (and sometimes that can be a good thing) then so be it!

2. Well-rounded parents encourages their kids to EXPRESS themselves… through words. Through interests. Through hobbies. Through fashion choices, i.e. whatever means for your kids to develop their ideas, formulate their opinions, create their own values, and find their own voice in this world. This, parents, is how your kids learn to find themselves, figure out who they are, and essentially, be SOMEBODY. It’s an integral part of growing up and finding your own identity in this crazy complex world!

3. Well-rounded parents encourage two-way communication. Are you a parent who immediately resorts to lecturing, nagging, yelling, scolding, berating, and reprimanding? (a.k.a. one-way communication) Is everything that comes out of your mouth a come-to-Jesus talk? Then not only are you putting a wall between you and the kids, but they will detest talking to you like a chore to be avoided. Good parents promote dialogue. And I mean voluntary dialogue. Does your child want to talk to you? Then you’ve succeeded!

4. Well-rounded parents don’t push their kids into things they have ZERO aptitude for. We’ve all heard it before – the parents who incessantly press their child to go to medical school when he ain’t got a lick of interest in medicine. Nothing spells recipe-for-failure more than parents who pressure (or coerce) their kids into pursuits that are entirely unsuitable for them. To put it simply, zero aptitude = poor performance = low satisfaction = failed academic / career endeavors = I-hate-my-parents-for-pushing-me-into-this. Get it??

5. Well-rounded parents see their kids as a person first and foremost, not an 'investment' or a 'commodity'. It’s a common mindset among parents who expect their kids to obtain best of the best grades, attend best of the best colleges, and get best of the best jobs (read: MONEY). Essentially, they treat their kids as investment with a “stock value” Parents, when you “commoditize” your kids, not only are you disregarding the person with feelings, potentials, and limitations, but you are devaluing them as human beings! (not to mention, your kids won’t see you as their “parents” either)

6. Well-rounded parents allow their kids to pursue social and romantic endeavors. Lean in for a surprise…humans are social animals! We are designed to mingle, interact, and integrate with our surroundings, which is why socializing with both opposite and same sex is imperative during adolescent years. Some parents (especially Asians) actively stunt their kid’s development in the social and romantic aspects of their lives without realizing the tremendous damage being done to their future. This is not healthy! (ironically, it’s these parents who incessantly probe their kids “why aren’t you getting married?” once they become adults)

7. Under NO circumstance, should well-rounded parents do any of the following: Name-calling, insulting, condescending, belittling, ridiculing, bullying and demeaning. A thousand times...NO! Kids already have to deal with this stuff from PEERS. The last thing they need is for parents - nurturers who are supposed to have their BACKS - to make them feel less-than. I won’t go into details of emotional, mental, and psychological damages inflicted, but know this: if this is how you treat your kids, then expect the same treatment when you get old. That’s right parents – retribution is around the corner!

8. Well-rounded parents never exhibit double-standard or hypocrisy, both implicitly and explicitly. I’m talking about the parents who lock up their daughters while giving their sons condoms (among many other examples of similar behavior). This is the WRONG message to send your kids, and does nothing but breeds resentment, spite, and rebellion! (not to mention, your daughters will hate you) Wanna be more equitable and reasonable? Either lock both of them up, or give both of them condoms! ( preferably the latter)

9. Well-rounded parents don’t expect their kids to make up for their shortcomings or failure. Nothing makes me scoff more than parents who didn’t mount to anything incessantly demand perfection. Whether they were genuine fuck-ups in their lives, or came from limited opportunities ( no education, poverty, hardships, etc), attempting to raise their value by living vicariously through their kids’ (forced) successes is nothing short of laughable. Parents, it is not your kids’ jobs to feed YOUR pride and ego. They are NOT responsible for fulfilling your dreams or correcting your shortcomings!

10. Well-rounded parents encourage kids to cultivate their talents, hobbies, and skills instead of denigrating them as “useless”. Whether it’s kicking a ball, playing the banjo, or weaving baskets, parents should encourage their kids to “keep it up!”. Hobbies and talents are imperative in developing a child’s identity, personality, and cognitive / physical abilities, in addition to myriads of self-development benefits. Under no circumstances should any parents say “Bass guitar? What a useless activity! It ain’t putting food on the table! Why can’t you find something better to do?”

11. Well-rounded parents don’t vilify the opposite sex to their kids. Parents, just ‘cause YOU had a bad marriage, or had a bad experience with the opposite sex, that doesn’t justify trash-talking in front of your kids. Remarks like “all men are dogs”, “all men are perverts”, or “all women are bitches” does nothing but feed POISON into your kids’ young minds. Essentially, you raising them to be spiteful, fearful, and bitter towards the opposite sex, which could have a tremendously damaging effect in their future!

12. Well-rounded parents know their place… and STAY in their place. Exerting undue influence is a no-no. We’ve all heard it before – the meddlesome parents ( or parents-in-law) who cause a rift in their children’s marriage; the micromanaging mother who bosses her daughter around on how-to-raise-her-child. Parents need to respect boundaries and avoid intervening especially when no one asked them to. At some point, your kids become their own entity, and your interjection is no longer welcomed!

13. Well-rounded parents avoid mongering. Specifically, fear-mongering, shame-mongering, guilt-mongering, and worry-mongering. What does all this lead to? Anxiety-ridden kids with low self-esteem. Parents, mongering stunts development! Essentially, you are raising nervous, fearful, hesitant, and indecisive kids who are practically incapable of facing any life obstacles and challenges with even a shred of confidence. After all, why would they live their lives with ease when all they were told was “If you do _____, then you will be ____ (insert a negative outcome)”?

14. Well-rounded parents always provide a rational explanation behind every “no”. Parents, “because I said so” (read: “don’t question me!”) is not a rational explanation! It’s a cheap shot response to shut your kids up while becoming unaccountable and lazy with your own reasoning. So why is providing a valid reason important? Because not only does it encourages dialogue as well as rational critical thinking, but also makes the kids feel like they are a part of the family and not some unfair hierarchy!

15. Well-rounded parents foster a welcoming environment. Do your kids want to come home to you? Can they be themselves around you? Are they comfortable talking about anything and everything with you? Do they voluntarily and willingly spend time with you? Do they think fondly of you? Do they want to be just like you? Most of all, are they thankful that they came from you? If you answer ‘Yes’ to all of these, then congratulations, you are a well-rounded parent! 😃😃😃