Famous Deceased Words on Covid

A fun food for thought: what would some of the most famous deceased figures in history think about the current crisis that is coronavirus / COVID-19 pandemic? After all, it's no secret that we are living in unprecedented times and experiencing never before. So imagine if some of these famous deceased were looking down from heaven (or hell, or wherever they are). Or, if they were alive today. What would they say about the current situation? In fact, let's go inside the minds of the famous (and infamous) deceased throughout history and get their take on lockdown, quarantine, and basically anything related to the pandemic. Some of these figures are recently deceased and others have been dead for centuries, but each have their own take based on their experiences, opinions, personalities, and era. Here's what they have to say:

Disclaimer: content may be offensive for some readers. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Let's start with...

Kobe Bryant - "Goddam you Covid-19! Your deadly pandemic could have saved my life had you spread to America 60 DAYS SOONER!!! Where's the disease when you need it? I could be at home with Vanessa and the kids and make up for all the lost times, which would have been perfect! Your piss-poor timing costed my life, and I'll forever curse you as the "virus that came 60 days too short"!

Steve Jobs - " If I were on earth, I would have invented the iDetector; an AI-powered sunglass with an infrared camera that detects people with coronavirus. The wearer will see bright colored lights on people in his/her vicinity, which indicates who has high fever and high temperature. Wait... China is already doing that? Well well... this isn't the first time China's stealing my ideas (eye roll)"

Michael Jackson - "This quarantine makes no difference to me. I'm already a reclusive weirdo who stay indoors all day since I don't like being seen in public anyways. And when I do go out, I rarely leave without my surgical mask, so I'll fit right in with the crowd. No wait, the crowd fits in with me".

Whitney Houston - "Fuck you coronavirus! I'm trying to do a comeback here, for like, the tenth time, and you have to get in the way? I'm trying to stay relevant so that i'm not remembered as a 'has-been Queen of Voice", and you have to throw a wrench in my plan? Thanks to you, now I'm reduced to singing songs on Youtube and hoping that I'll get millions of likes! (if I'm lucky)"

Princess Diana - "Thank God I'll finally get some peace and privacy from those bloodsuckers a.k.a. paparazzi. Hopefully this lockdown will keep them from hounding on me day and night, unless...they find a way to enter my premise. Screw it, if they come lurking anywhere near me or my home, much less six feet near me, I'll spit on them and make them go away."

Saddam Hussein - "Serves you right America! Serves you right you Western scoundrels! This is your comeuppance for intervening in my agenda in my territory that you had no business in! (Looks at Iran). Hey Iran! How does it feel being the only Middle Eastern country with SIX THOUSAND dead when other countries barely have any? Sucks to be you eh? I'll say this now as I said before - die, you Shiite scumbags, die!"

Mother Teresa - "So unfortunate that this is happening in this world. Lord have mercy on those who are dying. Ironically, bathing orphans and feeding the poor in India and Africa is keeping me safe. Who would have thought staying in third-world-countries will actually prolong my life?"

Kim Jong Il (Kim Jong Un's late father) - "Look at us! Look at us! We have ZERO coronavirus!(or so they say) Hey world! I bet you're jealous of NorKo now, eh? We can now rub it in your face that we're healthier than you, we're better off than you, and we're way more advanced than you think we are! So bow down to the Dear Leader and his almighty kingdom, otherwise I'll release the nukes!"

Adolf Hitler - (referring to anyone with the virus) "Round them up and send them all to concentration camps! Lock them up so they don't spread like the disease they are! Don't let them out until we cleanse this virus once and for all! Hey, I got a proposition! For every person who gets sent away, I will bring back one Jew that I killed. Sounds good, yea?

Hugo "Douchebag" Chavez (former Venezuelan president) - "Covid-19 is an elaborate scheme by Trump and capitalists to bring the world to a screeching halt! It was bad enough that my people had no food on their table. Now they're getting double-blowed 'cause no one needs oil? (our bread-and-butter) Screw you China! Screw you America! I will wait for you in hell when your time comes! (and continues to point fingers at everyone for his country's misfortunes except himself)

Neil Armstrong - (from space) Wow! The earth looks so immaculate from here! In the 30+ years that I've been in space, I have never seen the earth's view like this! But wait... what's going on? Did humans suddenly disappear? Gasp... am I the last remaining human alive??

Gandhi - "Wow, I'm really surprised that there arne't more protests, let alone violent protests around the world. I would have thought to see tons of people marching on the streets with signs and loudspeakers and screaming at their leaders to put an end to the stay-at-home order. I guess humanity has become a lot more civilized since my days. "

Martin Luther King Jr - " I have a dream, that one day, we will eradicate this arch-nemesis of humanity called Coronavirus, that we will once again roam the streets free, that we will meet each other again face-to-face, and we will rejoice each other with open arms. I have a dream, that one day that our children will return to school, our businesses will resume full-swing, and countries will open their borders worldwide. I have a dream, that one day we will altogether chant with great exhilaration; 'Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!' "

Marie Antoinette - "Coronavirus? Quarantine? What's that? I have to stay indoors? What difference does that make? I usually stay in my castle all day everyday, and never mix with regular people. Besides, if there's food shortage, then let them eat wipes! What's that? You can't eat wipes? What exactly are "wipes"? The wet stuff used to disinfect surfaces? (Shrugs) Well... I wouldn't know that, would I? I don't clean my own castle! Besides, what do regular people eat anyways?"

King Henry the VIII of England - Holy cow, had this thing called 'quarantine' happened when I ruled, I'd be screwed! I would be stuck in the palace with the old hag that is Catherine of Aragon, would not have banged Ann Boelyn, and England would still be the Catholic Church's bitch! Wait a sec.. what am I saying? I'm the King of England! I can bang whomever I want, pandemic or not! ( and proceeds to bang his subsequent five wives).

Christopher Columbus - "This is a nightmare! I'd better get the hell out of Italy before I catch this 'virus' thingy. I'm sailing far, far away to...ya know, those islands I 'accidentally' discovered... what do they call themselves? West Indies? Anyways, those islanders seem virus-free, so I'm staying there and I ain't coming back! Hello again New World! (spoiler: as soon as he arrived in West Indies, he was stripped off his clothes, shackled in a cage, and forcefully isolated in a dark, deep forest before suffering a deadly beating by the natives who sought retribution for what he did in 1492)

Lastly...

Jesus - Holy shit, I better quickly change "Love thy neighbors" to "Love thy neighbors from six feet apart", otherwise my followers will throw stones at me if they catch the virus from their neighbors! But this time if I get crucified, I'm staying dead. Since the world is stuck indoors, no one will notice or care if I resurrect, so what's the point? Besides, I'm getting kinda tired of saving humanity. No matter what I do, there always seems to be something out there that kills them. So I'll stay six feet under (no pun intended). Peace out!