Do You Have Your Shit Together?
“I’m looking for someone who has their shit together.”
“John still lives with his parents? He must not have his shit together!”
“I’m about to flunk the class. I need to get my shit together and hit the books.”
“C’mon man!! Get your shit together!!”
You’ve probably heard these mottos about, a gazillionth time – be it conversations, dialogues, social media, and internet memes. But what exactly does “have one’s shit together” mean? For starters, it’s a phrase that can subjectively go in many directions, depending on a person’s interpretation of what “shit together” means. In a strictly literary sense (for ESL learners), it’s an offensive American slang that connotes “becoming more effective / organized / skillful / adept etc”. It could also mean taking your life into your own hands rather than being at the mercy of circumstance.
I’ve always thought ‘get your shit together’ was akin to “quit fucking around”. Or “get off the couch and do something productive”. Or “get a job” (if you’re unemployed). Or “lose some weight”(if you’re fat).
So for shits and giggles (no pun intended), I came up with a comprehensive list that explicitly specifies what “having one’s shit together” mean, in a Maslow’s-Hierarchy-of-Needs- style. I’ve broken down each “shitness level” starting from the lowest, most rock-bottom definition of “having one’s shit together” to the highest, most venerable level, upping the ante each step. (LOL) Here we go:
Starting from the bare-minimum:
1. I’ve never been to jail
2. I’ve never been to jail AND I don’t do drugs (meaning, not a drug addict)
3. I’ve never been to jail, don’t do drugs, AND I have decent hygiene.
4. No jail, no drugs, decent hygiene, AND I have a roof over my head
5. No jail, no drugs, good hygiene, roof over my head AND I have a job (just any job)
( this is the highest level that, roughly around 50% of Americans can realistically reach)
Now we’re entering the “slightly more comfortable” category:
6. No jail, no drugs, good hygiene, have a home and a job… AND have little-or-no debt.
7. No jail, no drugs, good hygiene, have a home, no debt, AND a job that pays well (read: I’m making $$ as opposed to paycheck-by-paycheck)
8. No jail, no drugs, good hygiene, have a home, no debt, AND a high-paying job with a sweet 401k / stock options.
…and now the “dude, you made it!” category (i.e. reaching the ultimate adulthood / manhood / American Dream / whatever milestone labeled by society)
9. No jail, no drugs, good hygiene, no debt, have a job that pays $$ with comfy benefits… but this time, I OWN my home. (as opposed to renting or living with parents)
10. No jail, no drugs, good hygiene, no debt, have a high-paying job with comfy benefits…and I own MULTIPLE homes (so that I can quit my job and still make $$)
11. No jail, no drugs, good hygiene, no debt… but this time, I’m a C-suite level executive who owns multiple homes. And guess what...chicks dig me! 😏
…and finally, the most kingpin shit-level of all…
12. No jail, no drugs, good hygiene, no debt…and now, I’m a C-suite level exec of a Fortune 500 company pulling in $1 mill a year who owns multiple properties around the world… AND I change supermodel girlfriends like I change my underwear.
...and guess what, I'm da shit!!! 💪💸✈️😎😆🤣
So… what level are YOU? 😏